IN ORDER OF URGENCY:

The Art of Happiness At Work by The Dali Lama and Howard C. Cutler — a suggestion from my (second) Ethics teacher.

Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon — a suggestion  from Hope.

American Daughter by Wendy Wasserstein — I want to read this because I bet the lady turns down the position as surgeon general.

Accidental Death of an Anarchist by Dario Fo

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger — I want to read this because I haven’t. har.

Marley & Me by John Grogan — I saw this book a few weeks back at Barnes and Noble, I’ve been thinking about it ever since, I think that’s enough good reason to read it.

I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley — Because it’s a collection of essays that I’m sure I’ll enjoy, especially once I move to New York, and especially because I’m entering my twenties, and especially because I’m sure I could pick it up and put it down and not forget anything and still be attracted to the larger story.

Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky  — It’s about rational egoism, surely that’s relatable.

Alfred and Emily by Doris Lessing — Sounds like my (distant) family.

August: Osage County by  Tracy Letts — A dark comedy, best play Tony in 08, produced by Steppenwolf, family tragedy. I feel obligated to read it. I’ve read and almost stage managed a Tracy Letts piece. I didn’t like the one I read. Also, I wanna read it before they turn it into a movie… ugh.

I fake graduated! Woo! Now only 14 credits of summer school to finish and I’m donezo. I’ve been really busy lately! 4 days last week I feel asleep on my couch while doing homework and slept there all night, but I did wake up for class the next morning on time so I continued to sleep on the couch. Though that waking procedure failed me this week. Tech Week…

With tonight’s opening of Reefer Madness things will get a little lighter… and thank God. When I really think about it, I’ve only had a month off since Crown Point, and that was right after Crown Point. I need a vaca and stat. (I’ll post that exact statement at least 4 more times before I move to New York)

I also need to clean, do the dishes, read, pay my bills, laundry, and visit my sister.

If I could time travel, I would go back in time to my winter portfolio review and say, “This is just easier for me when I want to do it, and I want to want to do it forever. It’s too damn hard to do it when I have to, it sucks the life out of the craft for me. I just want to do what I’m wanting to do, and that is wanting to stage manage.” 

It’s the only constant in my life. It’s the common denominator for nearly everything involved in my life. It’s the most abusive and loving relationship I’ve ever had. It’s the only guarantee… and yet that guarantee relies on me. I feel like I’ve been letting people down lately as much as I’ve been let down and that is a shitty feeling. I can’t wait for school to be over so I can stage manage the shit out of this show.  

It began raining today with a giant BOOM, thunder loud enough to wake me from my deep slumber. My deep slumber of anxiety filled dreams in never never land, that not even the overly obnoxious ear piercing fire alarms of the dormitories my freshmen year couldn’t penetrate. My deep slumber was jolted just in time to see the rain instantly poor a mere second following the opening of my sad eyes.

That was pretty much my day. A perfect Sunday of getting the homework I’ve needed to get done done and not advancing to the homework that is actually due in the next two days. A perfect Sunday in which I watched The Met Opera’s Romeo and Juliet, that included behind the scenes footage of scene changes and the stage manager calling in the second act, all of which accenting so nicely the steady stream of rain drops that poured outside of my porch. Perfect couch napping conditions.  

The predicaments aside, though they compose the majority of my thoughts and conversations these past few days months, I’m pretty humble. 

Master To Do List — The Priorities. 

-copy cds

- emergency contact info form

- availability form

-light design

-dead diva

-beef book

-pay the minimum on my credit card bill

I HAVE to cut up my credit card. And soon. I’m currently 300 dollars in debt with no pay check in sight. I got a temp job offer today for ten dollars an hour, but I don’t think I will be able to take it because it will be when I am in tech for Reefer Madness. I haven’t worked on a musical in FOUR YEARS. FOUR. You know what that means? That means I’ve never actually stage managed a musical. You know what that means? That means I will not be having a part time job+school+Reefer Madness this summer and that = POOR. 

With debt and being verbally assaulted by the chair of my theatre department set aside, things are pretty alright. But… I’m in one serious apathetic rut right now. Thankfully, I’m back to being a general content, rather than a long term unhappy. I guess maybe that’s why I’m apathetic right now, because it’s been so long since I’ve been this close to happy. I took an impromptu trip to NYC last weekend. 

Sometimes I feel like the most ridiculous things and people are keeping me put together.  

I’d be a fcuking as$hole not to mention the obvious circumstance eventually.  A fcuking as$hole. 

Here’s a picture that we took last fall
See there you haven’t aged at all
But you, have a smile I haven’t seen around
Lately you’re as dark as this town
And I know it seems like nothing changes
Days go by and we just age
Well, killing time can feel so right
In your bedroom without the lights
Let’s get old together
Make promises and lie but never
Let this city get the best of us
Grow apart from the things we love

Make a wish with a coin in a fountain
They pound the floor when they say we’re
Making too much noise in the apartment below
We’ve got no morning jobs to go to
Late night dreams and a whole lot of wishing
All the secrets that we’re not telling
Cities sometimes just blend together and it feels we’ve
Been away forever
We should really only have one care
To get back to the room that we both share

So whisper and tell me where I went wrong
Tell me why everything around you lost its shine
Why nothing glows
Tell me why you’re waiting, or what you’re waiting for
Never seen when opportunity is at your door
Let’s get out of this mess
No one will even know we left
No use on dwelling on the thing you’ll soon forget

When this is over, it’s alright

pretty girls make graves/a certain cemetery

I am naive to think that waking in my apartment in New York, knowing I’m there, will be enough to start my day off happy everyday.

But I can’t help but to use that everyday to get me out of bed until I am there.

This is my spring break!

• Mr. Green is done! And it was over done. (haha… by that I mean they mistakenly extended the run for hardly a reason.)
• Senior Showcase has started, and while I’m not thrilled to be in rehearsal for 6 hours a day again, I am actually excited to figure out the puzzle that has been laid out for me.

And that’s my spring break! haha. Leaving for NY this weekend and rehearsal all week. Along with the following To-Do-List

1. Cyberspaces Midterm – due tomorrow, still haven’t even thought about starting it. Crap.
2. Update Resume, Update Portfolio.
3. Directing Critique of For Colored Girls…crap. (wayyy late)
4. Reading Response for Cyberspaces
5. Group Project Research
6. Light Design Drawings (for the whole semester…I’m sick of them.)
7. Light Design Critiques (just gonna get those over with too.)
8. Start Design Project
9. STUFF THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS FOR LIFE TO CONTINUE
   1. Laundry. Lots. of. laundry.
   2. Cleaning my room. SERIOUSLY.
   3. Check in with Trevor.
   4. Buy some bananas and apples. And maybe some eggs. Definitely soy milk. Oh, and more toilet paper. … everything. I need everything. I have half a loaf of bread, water, and cup o noodles. (better get used to it…)

I need a job.

I think laughing at this, makes me a libertarian that supports Hillary.