The curse.
It seems as though everyone is having a disappointing time in their hometowns and wants to return to Richmond.
Why is everyone in a funk this Christmas?
Oh, I mean… beyond the fact that the world is coming to and end.
Into our shelters we go
shield us from the unbearably high sky
shroud us in from what we know
bandaged up from all the bleeding love
and
you don’t even believe in outerspace
equal to the rate at which you doubt my crying face
and since you don’t believe me
should I cover up and fake it?
or just sit here with your disbelief and know that I can take it?
[the blow-knowing the things that know]
The Days Leading Up To “X”mas
I’m in my hometown for the next week…car-less, friend-less, freedom-less and thus hopeless.
This is doomed to be the most unbearable Christmas ever. I’m not even a little bit excited about it. It seems as though the commercialization of Christmas has finally consumed my extended family. Not only is there epic family drama this year (I almost want to grab a bucket of oven top pop, sit back and make cynical comments about how everyone is stupid to my 2 year old sister), I’m finally recognized as an adult this year. What exactly does that mean? That means that everyone wants to involve me in the drama. “Oh no, they didn’t!” They surely don’t want to hear what I have to say. I’d word vomit all over them, leave, move to New York and they all might as well sit Shiva for me. I’d be dead to them. Then next year instead of the drama being about how my cousin, who got back with her abusive husband, is not being allowed to join the family on the Eve, it would be about how I stayed in New York, by myself, happily eating Cheerios and sipping on English Tea (sugar only, please) waiting for my red eye to Richmond so that I could see my sister and no one else.
Anyways. My immediate family is broke this Christmas and doesn’t want to talk about it. My father has this expectation of himself that he needs to fulfill each Christmas by surprising me or my mother, or sister now, or grandparents with some epic gift. (A therapist would say its the only way he knows how to show affection.) I wish he’d stop being so grumpy about it. I mean, I haven’t even browsed the presents underneath the tree, let alone search my house for what could possibly be at the bottom of my stocking this year. All I want for Christmas is a good dinner for a change. Rather than one where everyone is all pissed off or upset about something stupid.
In other news, I’m just ok. I haven’t contacted any of my “hometown” friends. To be honest, I don’t want to. I’ve just out-grown doing the same mindless activities with them. I’m home for a week. I’m trying this “aloof in Williamsburg” thing out. I’m going to try to not see them the entire time I’m here. Though, I do want to see Brian and Aaron. I’m almost too embarrassed to.
I can’t stand to think about
A heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God I gave my best
But for three whole years to end like this
[The Format-The First Single]
